the Tory logo: 'for some reason, I still expect the torch'.

He was a plump man, with a freshly-shaved, gammon face. His clothes — cords, checked shirt, fleece — indicated a country gent. I imagined him pointing a shotgun at a flock of ducks. He leaned awkwardly against the doorframe, and I caught sight of a badge pinned on his lapel. A white badge, with a green logo. Green?

‘I am campaigning for the Conservative candidate for Winchester, Steve Brine‘, he said.

Ah, yes. The new, green Tory logo. It’s been around for years, but for some reason I still expect the torch.

I was in my pyjamas holding a baby, but it didn’t seem to matter. Doorstepping campaigners are a bit like Jehovah’s Witnesses: vulnerable, an open target, automatically on the defensive. Even when homeowners are looking rather dishevelled, the campaigner’s the one that feels awkward. But I’m not one to take pot shots. I actually wanted to discuss some of the issues.

‘I’m undecided’, I explained, ‘torn between Conservative and the Liberals. The main thing is that I want to be rid of Gordon Brown. Cameron seems all right, but he’s got some slightly odd policies’.

‘Like what?’ asked the campaigner accommodatingly.

‘The tax breaks for married couples‘, I said. ‘It seems a bit like a bribe. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was for families with young children. But giving money to people just because they’re married seems really odd’. He nodded sagely.

‘And it’s only £3 per week’, he agreed, ‘hardly worth bothering’. He stopped himself.

There was a pause.

‘Steve Brine is a wonderful man’, said the campaigner brightly. ‘He was born in Winchester, went to a local comprehensive. He has children, too. He really cares about people with young children. He cares about people like you’.

Yes, he said that.

‘The Liberal candidate, on the other hand’, he continued, ‘was originally parachuted in by Ming Campbell to fight this seat. He hasn’t got Winchester in his blood’.

‘Never mind personality politics’, I said, ‘what about their differences in policy?’

Another pause.

‘Steve Brine really cares about people like you’, said the campaigner again, a film of sweat forming on his upper lip. ‘And he is a strong supporter of the NHS’.

‘Unlike Daniel Hannan‘, I replied jokingly. Daniel Hannan is the Tory MEP representing the area of Winchester, famed for tearing strips off Gordon Brown in the European parliament in an uncompromisingly ferocious manner. Oh, and he also wants to privatise the NHS.

The campaigner cleared his throat. Suddenly, I felt sorry for him.

‘I tell you what’, he said sheepishly, ‘I’m feeling a bit out of my depth. You obviously have an interest. I’ll get Steve Brine to drop in personally’.

He smiled apologetically, thrust a leaflet into my hand, mumbled a half-hearted joke, and ambled hurriedly away.

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