While the Man Booker Longlist 2011 was being announced in London today, Jake Wallis Simons, author of The English German Girl, was making the headlines in Winchester. In a hastily arranged press conference, he delivered a statement which suggested that it was “actually a good thing” that he hadn’t been selected.

“I have spoken with a lot of other writers about this,” he said from outside a café in which he had allegedly been writing, “and we are all in agreement. We are actually pleased we were not longlisted. Very pleased indeed.” When pressed, he declined to name the other writers with whom he has been holding talks.

According to Simons, the latest thinking is that not to win prizes is actually cooler – “way cooler” – than winning them, “which only defines you as a member of the establishment,” he said. ”Did Jane Austen win the Booker?” he added. “Did Jack Kerouac? Did Ernesto Sábato? I think no more needs to be said.”

In response to Simons’ statement, Dame Stella Rimington, Chair of the Booker Judges, did not say anything. “We were actually about to select Simons’ book,” she did not say. “But because we were aware of his maverick views, we decided to leave him out.” This, she did not add, was a “very great shame indeed,” and “a great loss to the literary establishment.”

Simons was relaxing at home with his family this evening, basking in the glory of not having been selected. However, sources close to the writer reported hearing stifled cries of self-pity from behind his bedroom door.